Practice Versus Theory

How is it that we can treat a complete stranger or a pet with unconditional kindness, but then turn around and be cruel to a family member, friend, or a co-worker?

This incongruity—the dichotomy of what we know in theory versus what we practice—has been weighing heavily on my mind. Perhaps it's a case of "as long as it's not in my backyard" thinking. The tsunami survivor, the little boy in the newspaper with leukemia, the impoverished—they are low-hanging fruit on some faraway tree, and hence easy to "love" because, ultimately, they are somebody else's problem.

Up close, our warts and bruises are all too apparent, perhaps dashing—certainly changing—our expectations of each other, this intimacy often bringing out the worst in us. People aren't the ideal gases we learn about in high school chemistry. We are real and complex, and have a tendency to run yellow traffic lights contrary to what we tell our kids.

My line of thinking is that to be genuinely kind, it's crucial we apply what we learn in the lab to what's really out there.

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I came across Jacob Needleman's latest book, Why Can't We Be Good, at the Metrotown Chapters store. It'll be my next purchase, maybe it'll shed some light.

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I twice gave to the Red Cross recently. I wish they would stop making and sending me those Canadian scenic calendars, the ones with lighthouses.